


Seventh Heaven

by Choco-holic (Draqonelle)



Category: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Chocolate, Condoms, Crack, M/M, Pon Farr, Prophylactics, Romulan, Vulcan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-19
Updated: 2011-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draqonelle/pseuds/Choco-holic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We didn’t mean to rob his convenience store but at least he gets a hot date in the end.”</p><p>Kirk and Spock are stuck on Ch'Rihan (Romulan home world) on a Romulan Shipping block in an unexpected Peace Conference, on their 42nd Anniversary (Hint: Divisible by 7)  The Romulan Police are understanding. COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDING. The Tal Shiar for once do not... interfere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seventh Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Tal Shiar: For the few people who don't know, the _Tal shiar_ are the Romulan secret Police. Take a Paranoid Violent Super-intelligent, Super-strong race like the Romulans, and put them under the thumb of a secret police state and you get some weird neurosis. Surak was right to stay home.
> 
> For those people who like me have no life might recognize Axel Heck [Charlie McDermott](http://charliemcdermott.com/) from the ABC Sitcom "the Middle" He is secretly a Romulan. and yes i could write a bizarre fusion fic about him and his working class family under the oppressive regime of the Romulan secret police. They would be more paranoid and less mean.
> 
> Thanks to [ KatieMariie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/katiemariie/pseuds/katiemariie) for help with the Vulcan language and the VLD

There is an old Romulan Proverb.  
    Seven to wed Seven to Bed.  It takes seven years to really know a girl, but the predilection of Romulans to take their time with mates is renowned.  It takes years of courtship and experience to properly bond with the right mate, for Romulans are longer lived then the many inferior races. For mere sex, there are camp followers, prostitutes, pornography and other masturbatory aides, which gets a lot of the frustration out. So no one really pays a mind to old traditions and takes care of them selves when the need arise. These days Romulans were more sophisticated. They still usually do it up right on the Seventh anniversary, fourteenth, twenty-first …  well every seven years.  A woman could castrate you and stab you in the face in broad daylight and no jury on in the Empire would fault her if you forgot the 49th anniversary.  (Which was Double Seventh.) He never heard a bad marriage last more then seven years.  It is cute.  Humans called the seven year itch.  It was something they did a thousand years ago when the world was pathetic and lame in Axel NnVerih Hexce’s opinion.  He was 16 and no baby.  
    He’s never been together with a girl for more then a year, well at least not the kind to tell his Mother about, but he was young. It was the Rainy Season Holiday and he was not yet enlisted anyway and not a full citizen. So mating seemed as far away as Autumn.  
    Axel paid little thought to ancient marriage traditions or mystical myths today. He was cranky. This was not the vacation was expecting.  It was bad enough his family had to spend the rainy season at home, instead of heading to Khorje with all the decent people, but he was too poor to even enjoy his vacation.  He would rather be in school, which is the first time he admitted anything of the sort. Working in his Uncle’s shitty convenience store, under buzzing fluorescent lights was a new kind of hell.  To make things worse, his Uncle Sron made him take the overnight shift when he was caught talking with his friends and giving them free carbon drinks.  So instead of spending anytime with his friends at all, he was up all night selling weird candy to a bunch of snobby aliens and rich kids slumming from decent ship blocs, even the cities.  The only thing up here was the Federation Embassy and a bunch of crummy hostels where drug addicts and political dissidents lived  
    He hated this Bloc.  He couldn’t wait until this Autumn when he would join the Regular Militia.  He would be old enough to be an uhlan in Centurion Eler’s command and get on a war bird right away.  Pilot school took seven years and he could not endure any more time stuck in some school learning about math and stupid things like that. Then he would finally be able to start doing what he wanted to do.  It was not fun being the oldest in a low house like his.  He liked his family but damnit he was a man and they treated him like a dumb kid.  He had a job went to school and still they tormented him.  
    Even the candy made him depressed.  How twisted is your life when even candy makes you frown? It was from interesting places that he had never seen. Places like Terra, Haligia and… actually those places were out of the Empire and filled with a bunch of weird aliens...Strike that.  He might not want to go outside the Empire but damnit better then here. Romulans made terrible candy.  He had to admit that.  His uncle told him that some was manufactured in Federation space and packaged by the government to make it look like Romulans could make good candy.  But the packages were all black or grey.  Kids like colors and animals and cartoons. NnVerih had a lot of grey except for the sunset which was going down as he came to work.  
    He swept the floor.  Reloaded the carbon in the drink machine, re-boiled the tea water and then pretended to wipe down the counters as his mind wandered,  He sat behind the counter navigating the social network on his Micro PADD. Dhiem and the others were probably drunk right now, or at that public house where the owners never checked your Verification, dancing with girls. There might even be a bonfire in the quarry.  
    He worked on finishing a bag of human candy having nothing better to do. The candy was so high in chocolate that should basically be illegal but it was in colored bags made for human children. Only the top Federation officials and Diplomats could afford. Something called M and M’s. He totally heard from Sheera’s big brother that you can get wrecked if you eat a whole bag. They are like 40% chocolate so he has to ask for Verification.  There was enough Chocolate to kill like 3 Andorians just from smelling it.  He wishes he was a little impaired right now, but that would make him fat and bored too.  Also they were too sweet. He ate four and he practically wanted to vomit.  
    He took a picture of his miserable self sitting at work bored and friendless and updates his status on the social network site, so all his friends would know.  
    It was 3AM in the morning when a stranger came in. He was so old and wrinkled it was disgusting.  He was so old his hands were just shaking. He was staring at the display of Tasty Sausage (which had not cleaned out yet because no one ever bought. They were from Earth and made of porcine stomach meat.  No one would get drunk enough to want to eat them.)    
    Lots of old cowardly vets were addicted to drugs. He was probably high off dream spice or got his brains fried by e-stim implant. At school, they had a spokesman from the government speak to their school for two hours about drugs (like that would stop the addicts.)  NnVerih has its shady side.  This stranger was just gazing into space before he came to the counter.  
    “Can I help you, elder?”  He asked. He had to ask, but he did not have to be polite like Uncle Sron said he should be.  
    The man looked at him “I would like to buy prophylactics.” The old man asked.  
    Axel gave him a nod.  That was disgusting.  People over 100 should not be having sex. It was repulsive. “For your daughter?”  
    “For my mate.” the old man said.  
    “Who was she? T’pel the Great?” He whispered to himself.  The old man probably had been alive since Surak crossed the forge.  
    “T’pel has been dead for thousands of years and most likely a mytho-historical figure,” He did not seem to get the sarcasm.  “You speak nonsense.”  The stranger said.  He sounded very slow and confused.  Maybe it was Bendaii.  Maybe Drugs. Who knows?  
    Axel got out a pack and closed his eyes trying not to picture this old guy naked having sex. This store sucked.  
    The old man laid down a reusable credit chip. “Do you have human sized prophylactics as well?”  
    At this, Axel grabbed the box back. Wait a second.  He was no innocent fool.     “Why do you need two kinds?“  
    “For my sexual partner.”  
    It made sense now. “It is sodomy. Are you doing sodomy up there in the hostel?” He stared at the man. “With a human?”  
    The old man said “And relatively a tame offense of Romulan custom. Same sex coupling is relatively-”  
    “Nonono.“ he covered his ears to the tips.  He wanted to deafen himself and poor Tasty Sausage juice in his eyes.    
    “He is a different species. Would you fuck a hound. You can’t buy those here. I am going to call the manager.” It was against the law for such acts. Vice Squads were always raiding the places across the street in the hostel district.  It was one thing for people fooling around blwoing off steam, trying to see who was dominant and who weak, but sex with aliens was just… wrong. Sodomy was not good for the Empire morally. The Police trying to please the Tal Shiar liked to bust shops for selling condoms to aliens or not telling the police, or allowing this sort of thing to go on under their noses.  I mean who would let people do that.? It was completely gross.  
    This guy was going to have sex with his human boyfriend.  Axel thought it was disgusting for two old people to have sex.  But two old men and one of them was an inferior species. It really was not good mental image he took a few bites of chocolate  
    The old man was not going anywhere he tried to grab the box of condoms back “It is a private act. And has no relevance to you.”  
    “Not if you come into my shop and get the cops after me.  The Tal Shiar is like across the street.  Its like the same as bestiality? Can’t you find enough Romulan perverts that you have to do weird things with Humans?”  
    “I just want my Prophylactics.” The man glared at him. Most likely trying to scare him “I am not Romulan and the Tal Shiar will take no interest in my personal life. I am a Vulcan. Not ROMULAN.”  he over enunciated.  
    Axel snorted.  It was a pretty flimsy story. There was something off. If he had come for one pack of condoms he would let him go and make note. But this was far too weird.  
    Into the shop stepped a human, also old. He was chubby greasy and rounded. His eyes had wrinkles in an avuncular grin.  What is worse is that he looked like Axel’s uncle S’tarius the one who had the cushy job for the Culture Board, not the one who put him in this hell hole store, but the one he hated even more then that. If it weren’t for S’tarius his Father about failing that test on Euclidean Geometry in Foreign Barbarisms class.  
    The human waved the “Vulcan” or and they started chatting to each other underneath the carbon drink machine, where the human thought no one could hear. For a people who were so loud and chatty, Humans had sucky hearing. The human picked up a drink, hoping the machine noise covers their conversation.  
    “This is ridiculous situation, Jim. I am on the edge of a reaction.” the fake “Vulcan” spoke to the human.    
    The human whispered “I thought Vulcans didn’t get embarrassed about a natural biological process and that I was irrational for giggling.”  
    “It is not a matter of embarrassment but an insolent sales clerk”  He pointed at Axel. “I am not in a condition to be dealing with this stress.”  
    “They don’t have any in the gift shop in the hostel or even a replicator. This is the only place we can get them unless we go back to Embassy HQ.  And I don‘t feel like explaining the hickeys, property damage or why you are eating candy.” The human mutterd. “It‘s happened six times already, you think there would be some file. Don‘t bother us or call us don’t make us go on any missions for one or two weeks every seven years. Unless there is some kind of emergency”  
    “In all fairness the conference is of grave intergalactic importance. Legate Skaal is an advocate-”  
    “Shuddup.” he took a sip of his cold drink “You think that little punk can hear us?”  
    “Yes.”  The “Vulcan” sighed. The “Vulcan” thought aloud, “We should just ask Commander Scott if he-”  
    “No I thought so too, but he and Uhura have been reliving their salad days on the Enterprise.  Its really obnoxious.”  
    “An ill-advised endeavor which also inconveniences us.”  
    “Those two will be back to normal holding pattern in a few weeks.  Let the Lad have some fun.”  The human spoke with a weird accent.  
    “I do not see why they have not updated the new replicator indices to include such sundries for alien species. So we will not have to go on such an errand.”  
    “They have nothing your size.  You’d tear through it like a wet tissue. We would have to program it in.”  
    “As we have been together for 3 years, I find it illogical that either of us could pick up an new STDs”  
    “You insensitive ass” He winked. “What if I were to get pregnant?”  The human laughed.  
    “The world as we know it would cease to be.” The ‘Vulcan” looked at his human.  
Axel had no idea what they were talking about.  
    The human stood between them. “Go get some candy, sweetie.” he pat his arm “I’ll pick up what we need.” the human pet his hand.  The human smiled.  
    The “Vulcan” grumbled and looked through the sweets.  “They better have chocolate at this establishment.”  Axel knew this was a scam.  This wasn’t a REAL Vulcan. If he were really a Vulcan he would complain about the nutritional content of the various items. Vulcans were the most joyless creatures in the universe.  
    Who was he kidding Vulcans probably had sex in Petri dishes and pipettes not really skeezy old humans? Obviously faking Vulcan background for some awful purpose.

    The human smiled, cocksure confident and perky.  He grinned  “Yeah hi, guy. I would like some human condoms.  You got those in stock?  Or like if you don‘t have those like number 3‘s”  
    Axel glared at him. “Yeah I’m not gonna give you that.” Axel said “You were talking to that weird guy over there.”  
    “We are just friends.  He was just picking them up for me I gotta hot date tonight.”  
    “Yeah.  With HIM. He told me. And he is not that hot. He is old and you are too.” Axel wailed.  
    “Come on, kid.” The human smiled so sure his charm was working “Come on.”  
    “Look. It’s not my fault it is against the law.” he was getting mad at these guys “and it’s not my fault you are freaks. I can’t sell you a bunch of condoms. Why don’t you go back to the Alpha Quadrant get your Condoms there and get out of the store?”  
    “Alright kid.  I’ll make a deal with you.”  he spread out cash “Give me those condoms and you can take your girlfriend to a nice dinner, buy some new music your parents hate- You like fire works?”  
    “Fireworks are awesome.”  Axel said. Well they were, that transcended species, but also they were so illegal.  The Tal Shiar would totally get the police to arrest you for lighting off fire works on a ship block. It could an cause an explosion.  
    “So what do you say?”  
    “No.” Axel stared down the human.  
    “I’ll go out with one. He’ll go out with one.  The Tal Shiar is not going to care if some human buys himself some johnny hats.  Spock walks out a few minutes from now, with his.  I slip you fifty extra credits. We act like this never happened.” He gave him a smile, “We have been together for 42 years.  How old are you 20?“  
    “16.”  
    “I have loved this man twice as long as you have been alive.  And that is special.”  
    The “Vulcan” pointed the piece of brown chocolate licorice at him “You should concede to his point.  According to the convention, I believe his words could be considered ‘extremely romantic’ category.  Romulans are known to be swayed by romantic gestures.  And this candy is very pleasing.”  
    “No eating in the store, you old fart.”  
    “Old fart?”  The Vulcan gripped his candy “This boy is making me feel…things.”  He said “Of frustration/anger/mad.”  
    “Look I don’t want old pervert humans in my store scaring away the customers.” Axel scoffed “And not some weird old pervert who says he is a Vulcan. What kind of sex game is that? He could be a Romulan undercover trying to play some weird mind game.” He hissed “And how will we know you are not spies and not just buying them to cover up your acts.  He could be Tal Shiar. He could be a Spy from the federation.”  
    “How about I bring them back and show them to ya”  The human said, it seemed even cheerful human beings could only be pushed so far.  “Romulans.  What is it the 20th century. I mean no offense but lighten up. It’s a little sexual experimentation. It’s the middle of the night this is the only place open. We just want to get some condoms and leave. You will never see us again. We are literally leaving this planet in a week.  There is an old saying on my planet.  Be a Dude not a Douche.”  
    “Why don‘t you just get out of here,you fat-ass human?” He said “I wouldn’t sell you these if you gave me a hundred credits for each one. This isn’t even that kind of store.”  
    “You are just… not a nice young man.” The Human scoffed. The fat comment hurt his feelings.  
    “Man you two looked like you haven’t gotten any in seven years. Fat Ass.”  
    The candy dropped to the floor as the Vulcan snarls. Vulcan launches himself at  and the man is still huge and strong. Axel tries to hide behind the counter.  But Vulcan snatches him by the neck.  
“That is not for outsiders to know.” The Vulcan growled.  
“I was just kidding take whatever you want!” Axel whines through clenched throat.  
“DON’T CALL thyla fat, make sad face... He is mine own love! You bad.”  The Vulcans snarled “I will rip your head off you little -”  
    Axel fell down on the ground and coughed.  The Vulcan ripped the cash register and throws it into the wall. Upturning the magazine display.  Axel gasped,  “Please don’t hurt me! Don’t  My uncle will kill me.”  
    The human stood between the two of them “Kroykah!”  
    The Vulcan paused growling like a hound told to heel  
    “Kroykah.  Chill out.  Be still Spock.”  The human grabbed his hand0  
    “Tresahk-tor, la sulack*”  The “Vulcan” swiped at the air shouting. The words sound weird and violent, like the growl of a cat.  It sort of sounds… like how a Vulcan would talk.  Old and dark  
    The human put his hands on his face.  The “Vulcan” Calmed and breathed.  
The human reached behind the counter and pulled the condoms into his pocket. He left some money on the cash wrap.  
    “We are getting out of here.  Sorry about your place. Romulan Punk asshole.”  
    The vulcan was on his knees now.  
    “Spock come on we are leaving. Lets get out of here.”  
    “I am getting my candy.” He picked it up from the floor.  One by one indicating he is not thinking straight “It fell.”  
    “I got candy in the room.” His human pulled on him. “Before he calls the cops.”  
    “Chocolate?” The “Vulcan” gave the human a harsh possessive look.  
    The human just gave him the sleaziest naughtiest smile. “Of course.”    
    Before Axel can scream in abject disgust, the human face kissed his partner, licking his lover’s lips like he saw in those illegal bootlegged 30 second clips off the Orion pornography website. And right in front of him they grasped hands right in front of him lewdly and run out the door. They sped off towards the hostelry into the foggy night.  
    Axel clutched his queasy stomach. After Axel was sure that he is not going to vomit from disgust and not a head injury, He called the Police.  
***  
    The Police took him to the hospital, and a nurse bandages the cut on his face.  He isn’t really hurt but it is a crime scene.  At least he isn’t stuck behind the counter on the Social Network all night.  They stuck him in one of the beds, and its not so bad he supposes. At least he won’t have to clean up all the candy and magazines.  
    Auntie Trall is there, and she is the Lieutenant of the Squadron.  She helps him look through a photo array and give a description.  There are seventeen books worth of suspicious persons that the Police happen to be keeping an eye on.  These are only the aliens.  These are only the human. These are only the human males… He cannot imagine how many files there are in the Tal Shiar’s records. It is more likely that Romulan would be a problem.  How many books of Romulan criminals would their be.  
“No. This guy has the same colored eyes and hair but the guy is too young. They were like sooo old.  Like 50-60.  That is so gross. They were making out in front of me.”  
Trall looks at him “Baby, I am 66.  You think everyone is old.”  
“Yeah but this is disgusting.  He put his mouth and they were licking lips. Like in a Orion porno” he shivered “I just want to go home pour acid on my eyes and forget this night ever happened. You are never going to find them.”

Uncle Sron brings everyone in his delivery van to the hospital.  Mother, Tpel,  Dad is there from work at the Shipyard. Some of the neighborhood. Even Sheera from down the street who still had this weird thing for him and her cute friend.  He really wanted to know they name of Sheera’s cute friend.  
    “Are you well?” Uncle came to his side.  “Those bastards didn’t attack you?”  
    Mother shoved her little brother aside like a Klingon and grabbed her injured son. She wailed and squeezed him like a nursling “Oh . I heard they called the police.  I thought you were dead.”  
    “He is okay.” Dad said “We just got lucky.”  
    Mother was going hysterical “I knew it was a dumb idea.  He was their all alone in the store.” She hit Uncle Sron “The cameras are crap, The street light is busted.  No one was there to back him up. He could have died in the street.”  
    “Sister calm down.” Uncle said  “What did they take, Axel ?  They didn‘t break into the cash register did they?”  
    “They took some candy and two packs of prophylactics and some carbon drinks.”  
    “And the cash register is not empty.  They just broke it.” Uncle Sron said. “Could have taken everything.”  
    “That is crazy,” his mother said. “It’s all drug addicts. And we sent him their at 4 in the morning all alone.” Mother had to be coaxed off by Father. “I don’t want my baby working there.”

“And I also think they took an ale. And that dirty magazine where the girls are wearing those… gloves and bikinis--- It’s just disgusting.”  Axel had dropped a bottle of ale behind the counter but he wasn’t getting paid decently so why should he deduct broken merchandize out of his weekly pay?  His uncle made him pay for drinks and snacks.  The magazine was gone because Axel’s best friend Dhiem asked him for one and he didn’t have his Verification in his pocket, but he could trust Dhiem.

“One ale and one pornographic magazine.” Auntie Trall pinched her brow. “Men.” Aunties Trall did not confront him about this, even though she didn’t believe him. She stared at him like she knew he was lying. She must be psychic or something.

“Don’t worry about that crap. As long as you are alright.” Uncle Sron said  
“I mean aliens. They know how to fight.” Dad said “They probably had concealed weapons. You can‘t trust the Federation.”  
“This neighborhood has gone to hell since those aliens moved in.” Mother was still hovering.  
“You are lucky to be alive.” Uncle Sron said patting his back “You just take the rest of the weekend off. Go to the River with your girlfriend.  Borrow my car.”  
“Yes!”  He exclaimed clapping but then he gasped.  
They all stared at him confused.  
“I mean thank you, kind Uncle.” he wilted “I just want to pretend this never happened. I just feel tired”  sunk into his pillow. “May I please have a drink?”  
“Sure baby.” Mother cooed.  “Whatever you want.”

Sheera hugged him “You are so brave.”  
“You know one of them was a Vulcan…  and they just got the jump on me.”  
***  
    Captains Kirk and Spock were sitting in the police station. When they here about the robbery on 57th street convenience store, they decide to come clean. Pon Farr can make Admirals and Ambassadors turn into miscreant teenagers.  But Kirk and Spock had talked their way out of tighter jams. Best keep this local.  They didn’t want to end up on the news      
    Lieutenant Trall shook her head “Are you telling me you have ‘the sevens’ on Vulcan too? Is that literal?”  
    She sat down, she had been working embassy beat for twenty years and she never heard this before. Vulcans only had sex once every seven years. She buried her head into her desk and started laughing uncontrollably.  
    “You have heard of this phenomena, Lieutenant Trall?”  The old Vulcan’s face went green. “It is my people’s greatest shame.  It is illogical that you should make light of it.”  
    “You can only get laid once every seven years.”  She said “I am going to bust my guts.”  
    “That is a slight misconception.  As we can engage in sexualized behaviors year round…  however…”  
    “Sortuk you hear this shit. Vulcans can only have sex once every seven years.” She repeated.  
    “No wonder you Vulcans are so crazy.”  She hadn’t remembered laughing so hard.  Sortuk was probably think she was drunk.  
    “On Romulus they have a similar …  pattern of behavior?”  
    “Well we don’t wait for seven years, but it can be a weird time. I am pushing Double Sevens this month with my old man next month. That’s 49 years.” She told the human “He was being so irritating, I almost had to lock him in the cellar.”  She said “Man makes me want to drink my own blood.  He gives me anymore crap about it he is not making it to 56 I tell you that.” She barked tightly.  
    “You locked your mate in the cellar?”  They should remember Females went into pon farr as well.  
    “So you...” James Kirk.  
    “We are taking a trip.” She shook her head “It’s your forty-second anniversary and you are on a shipping bloc on Ch’rihan?  Didn‘t you tell no one?”  
    “We did not have time to make appropriate plans. We were vital in the negotiations with The Legate Skaal and the appointment of a new Romulan Chancellor on Nimbus III” Spock said.  
    “Well if you are hear on Ch’Rihan next time try Khorje Cliffs. Where they actually expect that sort of nonsense.  Otherwise stick with those Federation Planets.  Fancy replicators and no sodomy laws. I think folks like you two would be right at home.”  
    He is surprised that a Romulan can be tolerant and he’s heard worse then someone calling them “folks.”  
    “What kind of mate doesn’t plan something for your 42nd anniversary.  I can tell you are both males.”  She said lightly. “Can’t plan a party for crap. You better make it up to him.” She sat  down “Look, Axel, he is a good kid.  He is my sister’s oldest.  He is a hothead. We don’t have to put it on the record.  Just pay the damages and I’m sure I can convince him not to make this a interplanetary incident, captain. He’s gonna join the Regulars this autumn. If he had something like this in his file the Tal Shiar are gonna be on him asking questions.  He‘s just a loud mouth. You probably know the type.”  
    Spock looked at Kirk, “All too well.”  
    Kirk sighed “Look we will be happy to pay damages and restitution. We don’t want any trouble. We just got…“ He really couldn’t justify what Spock did so he was honest “carried away.”  
    “I been married 48 years.  I know about carried away. Only once in seven years…” She laughed, “I thought that was just something my grandma said.”  
    Auntie Trall smirked “If I wasn’t thirty-seven percent sure that Sortuk was in Tal Shiar I’d salute you Kirk. You put down more klingons then tribbles and prostate cancer.”  
    “I invented tribbles.” Jim Kirk winked.  
    “You did not invent the tribble.“ The Vulcan corrected the semantics of his commanding officer, with an inflection that if her were not a Vulcan, might imply he was tired of Jim telling such a blatant lie.  “You were the first to use them as a biological weapon.” The Vulcan sat up “He is still the Klingon Empire’s Most Wanted.”  
    “Say you think if I don’t do it with the old man for seven years, I would get psychic powers too?”  
    “We have sex.  It’s just…”  
    “If he were female I would not be able to impregnate him with my sperm unless it were-  
    “That is a little too much. Get out of here.” She continued tryher giggling fit  “Happy 42nd gentleman.”  She laughed “Just wherever you spend it.. Make sure to lock the door and close the blinds.”

***  
     Axel let the girls put on his jacket for him. “So I was standing like behind the counter.  And they were telling me some made up stuff.  I mean why would anyone tell me he was a Vulcan.  Vulcans don’t eat Candy.  It was so fake.”  
Sheera beamed at him hanging off his left arm “You are so smart .”  
“I’m just a simple peace loving man, but when the Empire is at stake.  I just have to do what a man should do.”  He stared at the girl to his right. What was Sheera’s friends name.  She was so cute.

    “What is your name again?” He took a long at her hand  
    “Yrra. We were sitting next to each other in the Drug Addiction Lecture. It was so dumb.”  
    “I know. Total waste of time. Nice to meet you Yrra.” He tried to hold her hand before the adults caught on, “I think the human slammed my head with like a tricorder or… he paused for dramatic effect  “a disruptor or whatever.”  
    “A disruptor.” Yrra turned white touching his bandage. “That is scary.  I would be freaking out. I probably would cry.”  
    Sheera held him tighter and continued smiled “That Vulcan must have jumped you or used some telepathic attack.  That is so dishonorable.”

    They were about to exit the office, when Spock and Kirk saw the young man pass with two girls.  
    “That is the young man .” Spock said “I wish to make a formal apology to him.  In the hopes we have not…”  
    “Apologize?  Spock. He has two pretty girls draped onto him, thanks to our interference. We don’t need to interrupt.”  
    “I don‘t believe I understand what you are talking about, Captain”  
    “He’s probably telling an exaggerated tale of his prowess in battle, daring do and of course modesty.  He’s telling the no doubt heroic story of how he fended his uncle’s store from two evil aliens.  With disruptors and mind powers.”  
    “That is not what happened.  
    “Girls eat that stuff up. Like the time I saved that Puppy from the sewer and Genevieve Lee took me out for pizza out of pity.  ‘You are soooo brave.’”  
    “Is that a euphemism?” Spock asked.  
    “No.” Jim looked down trodden. “I was 14.  I didn’t even save that puppy.  It climbed out of the sewer itself.  But we still ended up making out. Second Base. That is a euphemism for intense kissing.  Pizza Parlors are very important to the American human courtship ritual.”  
    “You have never taken me out for Pizza.” Spock grumbled, “and we have engaged in second base many times.”  
    “The nearest parlor is only a few hundred light years away.” Jim said  
    “It would be dishonorable not to apologize for my behavior.  Not to mention it would damage the fragile state of Romulan-Federation affairs that two officers were engaged in such disgraceful conduct while off duty.”  
    “Do you really want to make it up to him Spock?” He said “You just stand there smile and wave. Let him impress those girls.”  
    “Vulcans do not smile and wave.”  
    “Then let me do it.  I’ll smile and wave.  We didn’t mean to rob his convenience store but at least he gets a hot date in the end.”

    “Oh no I’m so dizzy” he fell a bit to his right side “Could I lean on you Yrra?”  
“Lean on both of us.”  Sheera said.  
    “Poor Axel.  You look so weak.”  Yrra pet his head.

    Kirk smirked at the departing kids.  He looked to his mate.  
    “Emotional romantic courtship is most incomprehensible.” Spock shrugged.  
    He took the candy out of Spock’s pocket.  “I love you too Spock.“ He tried to take one of Spock’s chocolates, to find it empty.  Jim screwed up his mouth in a disgusted line and shook the empty box at his lover.  Apparently Vulcans can have looks of sheepish candy induced guilt on their faces, if it is Pon Farr.  
    “Happy Anniversary.”  Jim threw the box in the trash.


End file.
